In my previous post, I talked about a series I’d like to do entitled “Dear God”. I got the idea from a friend who’s always giving out the “Dear God” kids items as gifts. I think they’re totally adorable, but this won’t be about that particular venue. This is going to just be me having one of my off-the-wall conversations with the Big Guy upstairs.
I grew up going to church. Being a Protestant in the Bible Belt, there was never a shortage of places to attend church. The only real issue was that with so many different denominations, I was never sure of how I was supposed to pray to God. So I didn’t pray and I honestly thought that was going to be my one-way ticket to hell.
As I got older, I lost all faith. I’m still not a huge fan of “organized religion”, however, I do believe in God. But I still don’t pray. At the age of about 14, it dawned on me that no matter how hard I tried, God didn’t answer my prayers. I didn’t know if I’d done it wrong or if it was just that God didn’t like me. I didn’t care, I just gave up. I avoided church (and my Bible thumping grandmother) altogether. Then, one day as I was having one of my teenage-angst sessions, I just started talking to God. Okay, it was more like screaming at him, trying to get his attention as I felt as though I didn’t have a friend in the world and death was my only option. Thankfully, He declined the option of killing me. But something strange DID happen. I actually felt better when I was done.
The idea of dying didn’t sound quite so “perfect” anymore and some of the inner pain I’d been feeling was totally gone. That’s when I realized that I didn’t need to sit in any kind of preordained pose to pray to my God, I just needed to sit down and talk to Him. And I did. I didn’t always hear an answer nor did I like the answers when they did come, but I felt in my heart that He was actually listening.
Now, as I start to head down the last leg of my life, it’s starting to set in that I might want to make sure I’m headed in the “right” direction. Is there a Heaven or a Hell? I don’t know. All I know is that I don’t want to end up in oblivion. And that’s why I’ll be sending out a few letters here and there, addressed to “Dear God”. Though these will be available for the public to read, they’re not really meant to be a sermon. Just my way of talking to God and addressing a few of my own issues.